The reasons for me finding it hard to accept my Filipino heritage are (1) its hard to define who's really Filipino, (2) I grew up having negative stereotypes about Filipinos, (3) I grew up hearing a lot of racial slurs from Filipinos, and (4) most people believe that I don't look very Chinese.

Let's discuss about the reasons....

Reason #1: It's hard to define who's really Filipino. Even the Filipinos themselves are confused about this. The truth is the Philippines is the melting pot of Asia. Filipinos can have Chinese, Arab, Indian, Persian, Malay, Spanish, and American blood lines. However, it is the Malay that is most prominent when it comes to genetics (race) and Malay and Spanish when it comes to culture. Due to this confusion, some enlightened Filipinos claim that anybody can become a Filipino if he happens to be born in the country, accepts that he is a Filipino, and behave like a Filipino. In my case, I failed to comply to the last two criteria. Why can't I not comply? Well, the culprit could be that I was brought up in a non-Malay, non-Spanish environment. One the other side of the coin are the very ardent nationalists who always (annoyingly) claim that only the Malay Filipinos are the true Filipinos. I can defintely not satisfy the criterium that they have in mind.

Reason #2: I grew up having negative stereotypes against Filipinos. I've been brought up knowing that the word "Filipino" is equivalent to the following concepts: "laziness", "corruption", "womanizer", "reckless gambler", "people who would like marry you because of your money", etc.. What strikes me is that some Filipinos admit this! I admit that Filipinos, just like any other human beings, have good and bad sides, too. I know that Filipinos are also very religious, very hospitable, very tolerable, have close family ties, and most of all, crack the funniest jokes. However, since all these ideas got stuck in my brain by the indoctrination done by my Chinese relatives, teachers, and friends when I was a toddler, I find it hard to not to think about these negative stereotypes. NOTE: I am not writing this paragraph to offend anyone. As far as I know, I seem to have equal number of Chinese and Filipino friends. If I offend someone, then I'm truly sorry.

Reason #3: I grew up hearing a lot of racial slurs from Filipinos. Ask any Chinese hear in the Philippines and if he's honest enough, he'll say he has his share of racial slurs, too. The Chinese have been labeled here as "instik" (a derogatory term), "singkit" (chink), "shrewd businessman", "aliens" (I hope not from outer space!) , "ugly," and as so on... When I was a child and as a teen these slurs have often made my resentful of my Chinese heritage. Nowadays, I think I have become more mature (I hope I'm right) because upon hearing these insults will only further intensify my love for my cultural motherland. I don't care about these slurs anymore. I believe that true happiness is measured by peace and contentment within oneself, within one's family, and within one's circle of true friends - not by widespread social acceptance. Social acceptance is a fickle thing. Today one might be famous but tomorrow another person might be. Note: I don't hate Filipinos despite the mistreatment I got from some of them. As I said, I do have an ample number of Filipino friends to prove that I am not ethnically prejudiced.

Reason #4: Most people claim that I don't look very Chinese. Yep. This is the reason to end all reasons. Typical stereotypes Filipinos have for the Chinese is that they are short, somewhat chubby, no body hair, very small set of eyes, and a bad English proficiency. Filipinos are sometimes surprised when I claim that I'm (almost) a "pure" Chinese. I'm somewhat tall when compared to the average Chinese (180 cm or 5'11"), have long legs and arms, have body hair (especially on the legs), not-so-small eyes, a good in speaking and writing English. However, these people don't know that real story is that Chinese people can come in different shapes, sizes, and packages! China is a very huge country with a very huge population and with a very long history. Albeit you didn't know that there were foreign people in China more than a 1000 years ago. Yep. There were Malays, Arabs, Indians, Persians, Turks, and even some Italians and Jews in China!!! These people stayed there for the same reasons why my Chinese ancestors decided to stay in the Philippines - trade, better life, greener pastures. Who knows one of my ancestors might be one of these "exotic" merchants and travelers? So what does this reason got to do with all of these? Well, unlike some other ethnic groups, membership to the Chinese ethnic group does not require one to look very Chinese. In other words, race, to the Chinese, is not essential part the criteria but culture, identity, and paternal lineage are.

JAN 1999